Thursday, 27 March 2014

Never Give Up

After I received two rejections I began to wonder why I was doing all this to myself. I wasn't any good at writing even though a brick publisher likes my voice and have told me a few times, I still can't nail just the right story. Its a hard thing to believe in but I'm finally beginning too.

Then it occurred to me to list everything i have overcome in my life, being a teenage mum and at 21 having two children. Being in an abusive relationship where often i had to and always would shield my children from their biological fathers abuse. Too scared to leave, feeling like i had no where to go and no one to turn too. Even my parents knew nothing about the physical beatings or mental abuse I was suffering. I thought things couldn't get any worse yet they were about too, his friend sexual assaulted me, my word against his.

The death of my father ten years ago to cancer destroyed what was left of me for a while, but his voice kept screaming in my head "Never Give Up." I could have so easily ended it all and many times I felt I was stood on the edge. But who would look after my kids, the most precious things in my life.

I'd known my now husband a while, he taught me how to use a computer although I felt useless and no good at anything. Im studying History at University, writing and my kids are all grown up. I will be forever greatful to my husband for taking me from a damaged person with no self esteem to what i am now. I still have a long way to  go to overcome all the things I see as scary but with him and my children by my side. I can do anything.

Im still nervous when i walk into a room full of strangers and believe it or not quiet when meeting people even if i have talked to them on line. I saw Heidi Rice at the RNA conference last year and wouldn't speak to her even though I wanted to. Someone introduced me to Kate Walker and if they hadn't I wouldn't have spoken to her at all.

The whole point of this blog post never give up your dreams, your hopes and dont let anyone say you can't do something. 

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