Friday, 20 June 2014


“It’s too late; I can’t turn around, there’s nothing for me back there.” Kristin grumbled to herself. How life could be turned on its head like that was a complete mystery to her. She hadn’t seen her family for so long and it was all Tony’s fault. But wasn’t she just as bad for allowing him to manipulate her in that way?  The sign to Williamsburg finally came into view, for the first time in a long time her heart soared.
The only real plan she had been going to live with her mother and father, the sooner she could get her own place the better. Not many twenty eight year olds lived with their parents anymore.  A job wouldn’t be a problem she could work on her parent’s farm. One day she would own her own coffee shop cum bookshop, that little dream was a long way off.
The trees had turned golden brown, the sent of apple orchards wafted into the open window of her car. Her stomach growled as she thought of warm apple pie and cream. Kristin was surprised that the houses the town looked as though she had never left. Here time had stood still, the buildings in keeping with how they were in the 19th century.
Colonial style houses mixed with the modern, the tree lined road onto main street hadn’t changed the nearer she got to orchard Farm the lighter her heart felt. Men would be out of the equation permanently.   Kristen didn’t need any hassle from her parents as to why she had never left before.

They wouldn’t understand that it wasn’t as easy as that; it had all been her fault.  Or that’s how he made her feel and now it was up to her to carve out a new life, a new beginning. It was scary but she would do it she would have too.

1 comment:

  1. Charlotte,

    I see a log of possible hooks here. Going back to live with her parents, leaving a bad relationship, starting over--these are all good elements in your story. I liked the sights and scents of fall that you captured here. I love the blend of the old and the new that's reflected in the houses because it reflects how she's a new person trying to fit back in to her old life.

    I know the Harlequin editors have said that they are not keen on manuscripts opening with someone in a car reflecting (I've seen this in a few of the first pages they are doing over on the Sold! blog). I know for me the longer length of the Heartwarming made me feel as if I had more time to set the scene and get it going, and I'm sure that played into it not grabbing the editor's attention. I think this could be condensed a bit so that we get to the meat of the story a little faster. I'd also think this would benefit from seeing more of Kristin right away--her facial expressions, physical reactions to her thoughts, more of her feelings about leaving where she was to return home.

    I think this is a good attempt at a first page. Hugs on the pass. See you on the boards!